Answer to Question 11. REPORT. Reporting the assault as soon as you are safe allows the authorities to take an immediate description and collect evidence. Most police departments today are trained in proper and sensitive handling of survivors of rape and will not pressure you into taking any actions against the rapist that you are hesitant to take.
2. PRESERVE EVIDENCE. Bathing, showering, douching (cleansing of the inside of the vagina with water or other liquids), washing hands, brushing teeth or hair, or changing bed linens or clothes may destroy evidence that will be important in charging, prosecuting, and punishing your attacker. Even if you feel you do not want to press charges or pursue the matter further, preserve evidence anyway, just in case you change your mind in the future (as many victims do).
3. OBTAIN MEDICAL CARE. Here are four very important reasons why a victim of rape should seek medical care as soon after the attack as possible:
- A medical evaluation for physical or emotional injuries that may need professional attention.
- The collection of various specimens and physical evidence that may be crucial to any charges that may be brought against the rapist.
- Testing for STIs. Many STIs can be prevented (even without evidence of exposure) with quick treatment. In particular, anti-HIV medications have been shown to reduce the potential for transmission dramatically if received within 72 hours of exposure through rape (Roland et al., 2005).
- Obtaining emergency contraception if the survivor is at all concerned about the possibility of pregnancy resulting from the attack.
4. SEEK EMOTIONAL SUPPORT. Remember rape is never the victim's fault. Seek out support from your network of trusted friends, family, or religious advisers. If you feel uncomfortable talking about this experience to people close to you, call a local rape hotline in your area (hotlines are listed in the phone book) or consider seeing a college or other professional counselor. If you need more information on where to find support and counseling, you may contact the National Sexual Assault Hotline at (800) 656-HOPE (4673), or visit the Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network website at
www.rainn.org. The most difficult course of action is to try to cope with the trauma of rape alone.
Answer to Question 21. Get to know your date as a person (what a concept). There is always time for sex; it doesn't have to be tonight. Besides, sex is better and safer when two people know each other first.
2. Avoid making comments that treat women like sex objects; don't brag about sexual activities, and do not accept other men doing so. Call them on it, ignore them, or say, I really do not want to hear that crap
3. Do not try to get women drunk for sexual manipulation, and don't allow others to do so either. Watch out for women's welfare at parties or other occasions where alcohol is present.
4. If your date is drunk, do not have sex with her. She is legally unable to consent to sex (or any other agreement) while intoxicated, and intercourse under those conditions may be considered rape, no matter what she says or does.
5. Remember that no means no, and if you're not sure, ask her what she does and does not want to do.
6. Never assume that she wants the same amount of sexual intimacy as you do. To you, kissing and touching may communicate a desire to move on to intercourse, but it may not mean that at all to her. Ask, Are you comfortable with how things are going? How far do you want this to go? It may sound corny, but most women love feeling honored and respected. In other words, don't assume that silence means yes. Ask.
7. Communicate what you want. Are you unwilling to go out with her if there is no possibility of sexual intercourse? If not, you need to let her know that. If you are willing to wait for sex in the relationship, she needs to know that, too.
8. If she doesn't want to have intercourse, that doesn't mean she doesn't want you. She is making choices about her sexual behavior, which may be very different from her romantic feelings about you.
9. You can stop Things with your date may be hot and heavy; your desire for sex may be at a fever pitch. But if there is any doubt about her full consent, just stop. It might be frustrating, but it won't kill you. Consider this: imagine that your mother were to burst in on you when your desire was at its peak. You could stop, right?
10. Understand and be sensitive to the size and strength advantage you probably have over most women. Some women may feel intimidated and frightened by your physical presence without your even being aware of it. Some might feel forced, even if you have no intention of forcing.
11. Spread this information to other men. Not only is rape violent and wrong, but it also carries major criminal penalties. Determining and proving the identity of a rapist today is as simple as a DNA test. Most rapists today and in the future will be caught, tried, and convicted. The days of getting away with it are over.
12. Support organizations of men that adopt antirape policies, and work to promote antirape policies in groups of men to which you belong.
13. If you know or suspect that a rape is being committed or may be committed, do everything in your power to intervene and stop it.
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