Answer to Question 1
Active listening is a collaborative process of attending to the message being conveyed by the other party and then feeding back an understanding of the message. The feedback forms a loop so that misunderstandings are clarified by each party until the person sending the message feels heard by the listener. As such it is a two-way process. This contrasts with passive listening that is a one-way process of one person conveying a message and the other person passively receiving the message. There is no feedback, so the person conveying the message is unsure if he or she is understood by the listener.
Answer to Question 2
The iron fist, a form of active heavy control talk, uses a sledgehammer to get a point across whereas the velvet glove, a form of passive heavy control, uses a more indirect approach. Examples of the iron fist include name calling, blaming, accusing, threatening, putting down, ordering, ridiculing, criticizing, taunting, and using sarcasm. Velvet glove communication often involves attempts to manipulate through inducing guilt or sympathy and includes whining, denying, withholding, foot-dragging, playing the martyr, making excuses, and keeping score. Both forms of communication are detrimental to the health of relationships.