Revise these sentences to conform to standard business ...

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Revise these sentences to conform to standard business communication principles. Add details as needed. a. If you want to order a copy of the training video, call 1-800-555-1234. b. I hope that my analogies help you understand the hierarchical structure of a file server. c. Perhaps you'd like to try the facial cream for a 30-day trial period. You might be pleased with the results. d. I realize that you are a busy account executive, but we would appreciate your completing this questionnaire. e. I know that my qualifications are worthy of an interview. f. Customers like you are this company's most valuable asset. g. Surely you realize that our business can't exist if you do not pay your bills on time. h. I am very surprised that you didn't think you'd win the election for student body president. i. Assume you are comparing the following features of two computer systems. Write a sentence that emphasizes the best feature of each system. Then write a sentence that compares the two systems in terms of memory. Finally, write a sentence comparing them in terms of capacity and stating that the lower hard-drive space is sufficient for your needs. Feature 21 st Century Wizard Hard drive 40.5 GB 35 GB Cost 2,850 2,500 RAM (memory) 64 MB 64 MB Monitor Size 15 19 j. The well-written report was prepared by the new assistant. (Emphasize the doer of the action.) k. The female supervisor will discuss the dress code for male assistants. l. We need more manpower to get the project done on time. m. Businesswomen like the extended mall hours during the holiday season. n. Mr. Johnson and Emily Warden will attend the board meeting. o. Each restaurant waiter and waitress must purchase his or her own attire. p. Each student must submit his report by the end of the month. q. The plaintiff's 60-year-old Hispanic attorney is known for winning cases. r. The snack machine gypped me out of my money. s. Teresa and Mindy, two lesbian secretaries, are great proofreaders. t. I mailed the money order on Monday. u. We have already budgeted money for another charity. v. You failed to indicate the number of dependents on the tax form. w. You need more evidence to support your claim.

Question 2

In what situations should you not focus attention on the reader?

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Answer to Question 1

a. To order a copy of the training video, call 1-800-555-1234.
b. My analogies should help you understand the hierarchical structure of a file server.
c. Try the facial cream for 30 days. I think you'll be pleased with the results.
d. Because you are an account executive, your views about the enclosed questionnaire items would help us identify how the company can better serve customers.
e. I would appreciate the opportunity to discuss with you personally how my qualifications meet the job requirements.
f. Your business is important to us.
g. Paying your monthly statement on time maintains your excellent credit rating.
h. Congratulations on winning the election for student body president Your peers recognize your desire to serve the entire student body.
i. The 21st Century computer is equipped with a large, 40.5 GB hard drive. The Wizard comes with a large 19 monitor. Both computer systems come with 64 MB RAM. Although the 21st Century computer comes with a 40.54 GB hard drive, the Wizard's 35 GB hard drive is sufficient for the company's needs at this time.
j. The new assistant prepared the well-written report.
k. The supervisor will discuss the dress code for all assistants.
l. We need more personnel to get the project done on time.
m. Businesspeople like the extended mall hours during the holiday season.
n. Mr. Johnson and Ms. Warden will attend the board meeting.
o. The restaurant servers must purchase their own attire.
p. Students must submit their reports by the end of the month.
q. The plaintiff's attorney is known for winning cases.
r. The snack machine took my money without giving me a candy bar.
s. Teresa and Mindy are great proofreaders.
t. You should receive your money order by Friday.
u. Next year, please submit a request for your charity by January 15 to ensure full consideration.
v. Please indicate the number of dependents on your tax form.
w. More evidence is needed to support the claim.

Answer to Question 2

The you attitude should be avoided when it is necessary to convey negative news. Avoid connecting the reader too closely with negative information, such as refusing a request, disagreeing with the reader, and discussing the reader's mistakes or shortcomings. In such cases, avoid second-person pronouns and use passive sentences.