Fostering Children's Acceptance by PeersAgeA Youngster's ...

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Fostering Children's Acceptance by Peers

Age	A Youngster's Experience	Developmental Concepts Identifying Factors Affecting a Youngster's Acceptance by Peers	Implications Promoting Likeability in Youngsters
Infancy (Birth-2)	Noticing other infants in the child care center, 8-month-old Tyler reacts differently from one occasion to the next. Sometimes he smiles at other infants, reaches out to touch their faces, and babbles to them. At other times he seems oblivious to other infants, ignoring their gestures and looking past them as he crawls toward a new toy.	Tyler is beginning to show an interest in other children. As is typical for his young age, Tyler's curiosity about peers is fleeting but will slowly blossom into a full-fledged desire to interact with peers. With continued opportunities and support from perceptive adults, Tyler is likely to develop a genuine interest in interacting pleasantly with peers.	Talk with infants and toddlers about the activities and emotional states you notice in other young children. For example, when a few children are in high chairs, comment on the food you are placing on each tray and everyone's reaction to it ("I guess Ben doesn't want green beans today, but look at how much Hana is enjoying them!"). Gently point out the effect when infants accidentally hurt another child ("Brenda, please be careful. Soledad doesn't like it when you poke her eyes. Let's see if she likes having her arm rubbed instead.").
Early Childhood (2-6) ​	Five-year-old Finian and his family moved into a new community midway through Finian's kindergarten year. Having now spent two months in his new kindergarten class, Finian typically stands quietly at the periphery of other children's social interactions. None of the children encourage him to join their play.	Like Finian, children who transition to a new school need considerable time to adjust to the school's people and customs. Finian has yet to find a social niche among his peers and has some of the qualities of neglected children. That is, he is quiet, keeps to himself, and is not sought after by peers to join their social groups.	​
Middle Childhood (6-10)	Eight-year-old Kia has no friends in school. Other children find her bossy and rude. For example, on the playground Kia walks up to a group of children who are quietly inspecting a shiny stone, shoves her way into the group, and demands that the children admire her new shoes, which she claims are far nicer than theirs. When the other children appear annoyed and try to move away from her, Kia grabs one girl, insisting that the two of them play together on the monkey bars.​	​	Identify and teach missing social skills to rejected children. In Kia's case it would be helpful to coach her in how to enter a social group. Kia could practice standing near other children, politely listening to the focus of their conversation, and then interjecting a comment that is relevant to the topic being discussed. Because rejected children generally have multiple social needs, consider offering ongoing support, including services from a school counselor or psychologist.
Early Adolescence (10-14)	Twelve-year-old Frank is an energetic young man who takes his zeal for life into every setting he inhabits–his middle school classes, the school cafeteria, his after-school track team, and more. Frank has a good sense of humor but occasionally interrupts the class with off-color jokes and snide comments about peers. All the young people in his middle school know of Frank; many like him, but others find him abrasive, callous, and self-centered.​	Frank shares the qualities of socially controversial children. He is well liked by some peers but avoided by others. Controversial children can be disruptive in some situations yet helpful, cooperative, and socially sensitive in others.	​
Late Adolescence (14-18) ​	As a 15-year-old, Tara seems fairly happy with her social life. She has three close friends, all girls, and she and they increasingly interact with boys at school football games and school dances. Every now and then, Tara becomes annoyed with one of her friends, calls her names, or tries to exclude her from a social event; usually, however, Tara is kind-hearted and sensitive to her friends. Some students who are not Tara's friends think she's a bit snooty, but they do not perceive her to be overly objectionable.	In the parlance of social acceptance, Tara might be considered average: She is liked by some peers and moderately disliked by others. Children who are average in their likeability tend to exhibit age-typical social skills, be reasonably concerned about other people's welfare, and show occasional lapses of tact and self-control.	Talk with young people about their social lives — how they get along with peers, who their friends are, and what trouble spots they encounter with peers. Encourage average youngsters to develop their prosocial skills, such as being diplomatic with other people, while also continuing to look after their own needs.

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